fun with atheist's exuses for getting the body past the guards

are these guys going to scare

 

These guys?



This is what went on in the comment section at the /secular Outpost blog. Bradly Bowin was doing one of his anti -resurrection things. I brought up Gospel of Peter as the second source documenting the guards . What follows is just a fraction of the absurd excuses he made up. They are all ridiculous this shows the lengths to which  atheists will go to, in order to deny the resurrection.

 

Brad: A. There were NO GUARDS at the tomb, ever; this was just an apologetic legend.

 

Meta: that is just gainsaying the evidence, Gpete shows us an early tradition not dependent upon the synoptic.

B. The guards came to the tomb AFTER the tomb was discovered to be empty.

The Romans couldn't be that incompetent if they tried, They would have discharged the body into the keeping of the guards before they buried it.

C. The guards fell asleep.

Penalty was death for sleeping on duty, Besides how could Rome conquer the world with guars that sleep on duty?

 

D. Some followers of Jesus made a loud noises (yelling and shouting) in another part of the site to temporarily distract the guards

That's ridicules, they conquered the world with guards who fall for stupid tricks like one finds on "I love Lucy" or a bug bunny cartoon, why didn't;t they just have Peter dress like a woman and lead them away with their eyes bugging out,.

E. They bribed the guards.

Why would the guards take a bribe when they couldn't explain the missing body? That would also be death. If they got death for sleeping on duty don't you  kind of think taking a bribe would also not sit well with the commander?

F. They threatened the guards.

You really think the Romans conquered the world with a bunch of guards who could be threatened into leaving their post, which would mean death, by a bunch of fisherman?

 

G. They overpowered the guards.

Ditto, man guy thinks Roman soldiers were just card board cut outs.

 

H. They drugged the guards.

How did they get them to take it?

I. The women had sex with the guards to distract them.

But it was really Bugs Bunny in disguise right? This ultra holy group that's based upon a religious zeal is going to ask their women to have sex with the guards? Like an adult version of I Love Lucy.

 

J. One follower of Jesus put on makeup and pretended to be the ghost of Jesus, and frightened the guards.

ahahhqhaahjahhahahahaahahhahahahhaha this guy watched too many cartoons as a kid

K. The guards were stationed at the WRONG TOMB.

Maybe they conquered the wrong country. They really had their sights on Sweden but took a wrong turn at  Düsseldorf.

 

L. The guards were temporarily called away to help capture a group of anti-Roman Jewish rebels.

why would they do that? as though they didn't hve enough guards. They had enough to put down the rebellion of 66

 

M. One of the followers of Jesus got into a fight with the guards, was arrested, and the guards temporarily left the tomb unguarded to take the arrested person to a prison or garrison in Jerusalem.

they would not leave their posts, they would kill him, that's what they are there for. these not Motny Python Romans.
 

N. A whole groups of Jesus' followers got into a fight with the guards, they were all arrested, and the guards temporarily left the tomb unguarded to take the arrested people to a prison or garrison in Jerusalem.

hhahhahahahahthat's the same stupid plan he's just breaking it into stages to make it look like more options. why didn't he say 2 of them got in a fight next scenario, three of them got into  a fight, then four then five then six
 

O. There was no body in the tomb when the guards arrived, so there was no reason to guard the tomb, and they left.

It might work  on the Life of Brain



P. There were NO GUARDS at the tomb they went to, because they went to the WRONG TOMB.

I think he said that already

Q. Jesus survived crucifixion and began yelling for help from inside the tomb, and this frightened the guards, who thought Jesus was a ghost or demon.

R. Jesus had an identical twin, who came to the tomb dressed as Jesus and made up to look like he had been injured and crucified. This identical twin pretended to be Jesus and frightened the guards, who thought the twin was the ghost of Jesus.

(tune of the Patty Duke Show theme)
Here's Jesus whose been most everywhere
from Jerusalem to Bethany square
but Christ has only seen the sights
a boy can see from Nazareth heights
what a crazy pair
bt they are messiahs
but they're Messiahs. Identical messiahs
they heal alike they teach alike
some times they transubstantiate alike
 you could lose your mind' when messiahs are two of a kind.


I think get the hang of it, make up your own answers, enjoy the stupidity,

S. Jesus' identical twin was the dead body inside the tomb, and Jesus himself showed up at the tomb to pay his respects to his dead brother, but the guards recognized Jesus and became frightened, thinking that Jesus was a ghost.

T. A person who was a Jesus look-alike but not Jesus' identical twin was the dead body in the tomb, and Jesus himself showed up to inquire about the man who was mistaken for Jesus and crucified, but the guards recognized Jesus and became frightened, thinking that Jesus was a ghost.

U. A person who did not look like Jesus and who was not his identical twin had been mistaken for Jesus and was crucified, and that man was the dead body in the tomb, and Jesus himself showed up to inquire about the man who was mistaken for Jesus and crucified, but the guards recognized Jesus and became frightened, thinking that Jesus was a ghost.

V. Jesus identical twin was the body in the tomb, but the identical twin had survived crucifixion and began yelling for help from inside the tomb, and this frightened the guards, who thought the man inside the tomb was a ghost or demon.

W. Somone persuaded the guards that they were stationed at the Wrong Tomb, and the guards moved to another tomb, which was actually a Wrong Tomb.

X. Someone persuaded the guards that Jesus had risen from the dead, and the guards left the tomb because they believed that Jesus body was no longer in the tomb.

etc., etc.



 copies of Ignatius of Antioch and Polycarp of Smyrna edited by Kenneth J. Howell, Four Witnesses, the Early Church in Her Own Words by Rod Bennett, When the Church was Young by Marcellino D'Ambrosio, and The Case for Jesus by Brant Pitre, and read them through cover to cover. You'll find ample information presented therein - enough to convince the stoutest skeptic with a genuinely open mind.